|Oozing black thoughts|
I feel somewhat embarrassed to be posting what follows, for I wrote it in rough as I awoke at 6.00am this morning - on the campsite in Birmingham at the Motorhome and Caravan Show at the NEC (National Exhibition Centre) - intending to post it when arriving home. At which point, the usual rural broadband issues; and when much later I was able to re-connect, I discovered so many kind and thoughtful greetings on Facebook that I felt it would be churlish to continue with this entry. The mail arrived also, and with it family cards and greetings, too. And a text on my idiotic smartphone.
And yet, I believe we all have dark personal thoughts from time to time; and so here is my diary entry - the Facebook greetings were all the more special when what follows had been in my mind: "Today, potentially so special, has been a long time coming. It began on 18.10.1937 - and yet many times over recent years I thought it might never be. Predicted ill-health intervened ... unexpectedly ... but that is not the cause of prompting me to post an image of juicy dripping black toadstools. For today I am 75 and am just plain sad and feeling such frustration.
For I have relinquished a job I really cherished (even though it took over my life for the last 18 months and made me ill). I loved my 'Discover Touring' editing work and will never see the like again. But other loyalties and obligations tear at my restless mind. And so, instead of birthday flowers, decaying fungi invade my soul and break my heart. I slide into a nothingness."
|My dark 'Othello' rose|
I guess this early morning entry resulted from tiredness and a feeling of uselessness. It is not as if I do not have plenty to fill my workaholic days, but to step back voluntarily is not in my nature. So all the sweet good wishes lifted my spirit; (thank you so much to those who posted on my Facebook timeline). Oh, and the NEC blog post of yesterday from the Press Office is here, if you click on this link.
And now to move on to other things: garden projects, house reclamation and much more ongoing de-cluttering (I can hardly bear to part with all my beloved books). Writing, art and more art, creativity, textiles, word-whispers, illustrated journals and other flights of fancy.
And an attempt to be a housewife again, even if only intermittently!