Monday, 24 September 2012

Change of Direction

Me !!
There have been many occasions in my life when I have felt the necessity for a change of direction, but never so much as now. I have whinged and whined all summer about what has been troubling me, sometimes in veiled word-whispers; oftentimes just pure frustration. Last week I made a decision, and yesterday I acted upon it and wrote my letter of withdrawal from a project which over the last 18 months has taken over and consumed my whole life. You would think I would feel elated, a sense of freedom. But I don't; just sadness, and a weariness of spirit. No doubt clarity will emerge, but it will take time; mental recuperation, and more of those wretched structured plans which are self-imposed and have bedevilled me all of my life. Can you change track as you approach 75? Of course, but my fear is that this might be the thin end of the wedge. P.S. The image above is taken from one of my art-journal pages, and you can see it in its entirety and read the accompanying post on my Journaling blog.

8 comments:

  1. Ah - this sounds to me like a "being sensible" decision. Those stink. You know it is the best decision to make - perhaps the only option really - but you feel as if you have failed, rather than doing the best thing for yourself (and others).

    Chin up - you know the old saying - one door closes - and another slams in your face!!!

    I am sure things will start to improve again shortly.

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  2. My Dear Ann...to say I felt relief and joy to see your blog this morning is an understatement.After your last blog I was so worried about you,I tried to email several times and they just came back.I simply wanted to say you have support out here in cyberworld as they say.I am in awe of all you do,I also know very well way you are feeling as I have had to do a similar thing this year and suffered angst over it all,until one day I woke up when deadlines would normally be due for this committee and that and I did not have to meet them and I felt for the first time a lightness.
    Yes I still miss all the things I had to give away but in a good way they are all still going on with new people at the helm.You are 10 years older than me and I just wish I could have coped longer.You can look back with pride as you have done so much.
    Take the time now to just be you.I am sooo glad you are back.

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  3. I will urge and suggest letting yourself bring out your inner child, and play. Putter in the garden if you can, or just be still and let yourself and your restlessness disapate and think of other things. I am this way and am going through this also. I am just trying to be still. It will come to you, and yes, you can change directions at 75, age is just numbers.
    I can tell by the image you have up that you were uncertain and not sure which direction you were going.
    Hugs

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  4. I've followed your blogs for some time now and have been a bit concerned that you seemed stressed. I hope your decision gives you and Raymond to relax together and enjoy life.
    Barbara x

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  5. Maybe try not to over-think things and just take each day as it comes for a while. If you have made the right decision for you, things will seem to flow much better. I like the idea of puttering in your garden or going for lovely long walks...it helps to clear the mind of noisy chatter. xo

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  6. It is so hard to surrender a task when it is our personality to never give in and never give up. I did that recently and am also feeling some remorse, but I am also feeling some relief. I am not so sure if I should be happy or unhappy about that.

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  7. Your recent decision sounds a very wise one. Let others take on the stress for a while and try to enjoy you garden and your family. I like Denimflyz`s idea of letting yourself play again. Can you paint to relax? It is such a lovely way to let your mind "go" and be creative, without obligation to yourself or to anyone else. Take care.

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  8. Yes there are times in life when a decision to change a direction is probably very wise. It may be scary but necessary. Here's to a renewal of your spirit as you lift yourself to yet another layer on this way of living. May you feel some stress relief and new found joy.
    P.S The word verification is very tough on us visually impaired. I have to make many attempts to finally get it.

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